Anxiety of CAT 2019

CAT is closing in and things ain’t looking as good as I may have thought of in the first place. Every mock test I have done has continuously shown an upward trend in terms of the way my scores have moved. Fine, but there is this heavy headedness as the date closes into bell the CAT. I want to sleep but I seem to run out of ideas of how to go about it. I want to keep practicing and I am wondering if that is the way to go especially in the last few days. I want to gorge on fast food and oily brilliance of Indian snacks and people around me ask me not to mess with my system. There are the neighboring uncle and aunt who are worried about whether I would do well. My friends are concerned if I would go into depression and my pals from the training place are considering barring me from all conversations and chat groups as I keep reminding them of the approaching day.

I guess it is about the way I am looking at things. I am a morning person and I have got an afternoon slot for the examination. Exactly at that very precise moment in the afternoon when I love to look at the world with a slumber vision. And my pal who is a hard-core afternoon/evening sorta person has got the morning slot. Murphy lurking is head into matters that do not need the laws to be applied. I reckon, this whole funda of morning /afternoon/night persona – all of it is just pure mumbo-jumbo without much depth in them. I mean I have seen my dad being a complete night person most of my life. But when he had switched his job and had an early morning shift the whole equation changed and changed fast and without a single hiccup. He just did what he is supposed to do without a hassle. Just switched. It is like what Nietzsche says if you know the ‘Why’ you can live any ‘How’.

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The same goes for the oily food or the paranoia of other people or fear of impending depression or any of those matters. It is all inside my brain. There shall be talking a lot of noise all around because again I have showcased to everyone that this is important for me. I have shown everyone my fears. I have laid it out to everyone around how I approached this whole examination from the beginning and how close to my heart it is for me and how it was important for me in every step of the way. Now that the day is coming closer, I reckon, it is me who has been scattering the fear and paranoia more than anyone else and seemingly everyone is playing along and when I receive that extra nudge I am feeling, holy mother, even they believe the same.

In reality, people are just allowing my own thought process to beam back at me with much more power.

The CAT examination is just an entrance test to take admission in MBA/PGDM that checks for my aptitude, my language skills, my speed at thinking and getting things done, my management of time and my ability to prioritize, and my knowledge about my own self especially my skills. My being a morning person, afternoon person or an individual with extreme anxiety has nothing to do with anything. Because the coolest individual, the healthiest one and the brightest one everyone gets the same opportunity and everyone gets the same amount of time and space and every other thing. So it is about just letting go of all these illusions and noise and just getting it done. It is like a Nike slogan – Just do It. And it is nothing but that.

All those hours of practice, all those hours of mentoring, all those hours of my wonderment and then add to that my own aspiration to be a contender who is worthwhile for this examination, I reckon that is good enough to give the best shot that I have.

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Well, pray for me, and yes, I am having a Samosa while I write this, and a glass of Diet Coke (which in my readings has 98% water- Ha). I will bell the CAT and good luck for everyone else with the bell.